A Lesson in History
by 0-Nairobi-0
Summary: They say that true love can conquer any obstical. What about time? Howince AU.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Boosh belongs to the very sexy Mr Noel Fielding and Mr Julian Barratt.**

**A/N - This is completely AU, as I have no idea if England was really like this in the 1800s (I have my doubts - I always was rubbish at history!)**

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July 18**th****.**

**2009.**

Vince Noir sighed happily, looking up at the old stately home. He loved this place; not that anyone else knew it. A liking for history and old buildings just didn't fit with his image as one of the Camden elite. Honestly even he thought it was ridiculous. If any of his mates had told him they were into old stuff he'd have scoffed and taken the piss or not believed them. But Vince had been interested in this stuff ever since he was a small child and went on a school trip to a castle. This castle, to be precise.

Of course the place had long ago stopped letting people visit. The floor in the room above had fallen in, almost killing a German tourist, and the building had been declared unsafe and cordoned off. Not that that stopped anyone who _really_ wanted to get in of course, there was a door at the side that the lock had rotted away. If you knew it was there then you could gain access easily. And as far as he knew he was the only one who knew it was there. As he forced his way in he heard a crash of thunder and rain began to fall. The promised thunderstorm had started then. At least he'd be dry inside.

Vince carefully closed the door behind him and walked through the kitchen and out into the entrance hall. He breathed deeply, savouring that smell that you only get in old buildings. The air smelt of something else, too, that he couldn't identify. He hoped no-one else had discovered the way in to this place, that last thing he wanted was a gang of teenagers making this their hangout.

He closed his eyes and let his mind wonder, imagining what it must have been like when the castle was still inhabited. He imagined lots of bright furnishings, servants bustling around, a handsome lord and lady laughing happily in their home. He opened his eyes with a smile and looked around, the vision still not quite faded from his mind. He could almost _see_ the furniture, ghostly shapes surrounding him and the faint sounds of voices in his mind. He reached out a hand to touch what looked like the faint outline of a vase, frowning when his fingers encountered something almost solid. He could still pass his hand through it, but…he could _feel_ it. Even as he looked at the vase it seemed to become more solid, a pattern now clearly visible on its surface.

Vince began to suspect that he'd been right about the gang of teenagers, that the strange smell had probably been some sort of drug and he was now hallucinating from the fumes. But he didn't care. For a drug trip this was _amazing_. He walked up the main staircase, looking around him in wonder at the portraits and hangings which adorned the walls. He could see ghostly shadows of people walking past him, none of them quite there and all of them ignoring him. He turned into what he assumed was the master bedroom, his favourite room of the entire house. This was the room in which the floor had given way, so there was a large gaping hole in the middle. But it was easy enough to get around that, the bits of floor which remained clinging to the walls were steady enough he thought. He carefully and slowly made his way over to the vast window, careful not to let his vision of floor and expensive looking rugs trick him into stepping into thin air. He ran his hand down the curtains, marvelling in how the felt completely real now. In fact, everything appeared solid. He felt sure that if he were to try and put his hand through a vase now all he'd succeed in doing was knocking it off a table.

Come to think of it, this all seemed very real for a hallucination. Maybe he was wrong, maybe they were rebuilding the place and this room had already been furnished? But no, he'd seen it from the outside and these curtains hadn't been there then. They were thick and a rich shade of red and Vince felt sure he'd have been able to see them quite clearly. Plus none of it had looked this solid when he'd first walked in here. He pulled out his phone to check the time, groaning softly when he realised he'd have to leave now or he'd never make his dinner with his girlfriend Kylie. He turned to leave, only to be greeted by the sight of a large figure in the doorway clutching what looked like a very sharp antique sword.

"Who are you," the figure began in a northern accent, "and what, exactly, are you doing in my home?"

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July 18

**th****.**

**1849.**

Howard Moon smiled as he stepped through the doors into the entrance hall, handing his riding cloak to one of the servants who bowed and withdrew. He'd had a lovely ride with his beloved; Victoria Gideon. When she'd agreed to go riding with him he'd been over the moon, the moment he'd laid eyes on her at his mother's ball 2 weeks previous he'd known she was the one. The ride itself had been cut short by the torrential rain which had sprung up out of no-where, but before that he'd been sure she'd enjoyed herself. Maybe he'd propose next time he saw her, it was about time he took himself a wife. His father had taken a turn for the worst, and it was safe to assume he'd soon be inheriting the stately home and grounds in which he lived.

Howard frowned, pausing on the staircase as an unexpected wave of anxiety washed over him. He knew it was his responsibility as the only son to continue his father's line and protect his lands, but he wasn't sure he felt ready. He couldn't tell anyone of course; he turned 30 within a month. Much older than other home-owners he knew who had already settled down with wife and child. But Howard had always felt different to them; he'd always felt like something was wrong with his life.

A crash of thunder and a brilliant white light made him smile and peer out of the window. He loved thunder storms; had done ever since he was a boy and the chief butler used to take him out to the top of the hill and watch the rain pouring down on the valley below.

He shook his head, continuing up the stairs. He was much too old for such flights of fancy now; storms were a work of nature nothing more. They weren't there to be exciting or thrilling. He stepped through the door to his own quarters and froze. A figure stood at the window, a small contraption in his hands. A strange candle holder, maybe? It did have a square of light on the front of it. Howard considered him; he was shorter than him, and slimmer. Maybe he could take him. Maybe not. Better to be safe than sorry. Backing out into the hallway he grabbed his grandfather's ornamental sword from where it hung proudly on the wall. Gripping it tightly he walked back into his bed-chamber, hoping the assailant wouldn't notice his hands trembling and realise he didn't know how to use the sword. All he had to do was convince this man he could kill him; keep him there until one of the servants saw what was going on and summoned the appropriate help.

Just as he opened his mouth to speak the man turned, dropping his small box when he spotted Howard and looking at him in fear. A common thief, perhaps, not expecting to be caught? He certainly knew of several houses which had been robbed; the poor it seemed had no qualms about taking what was not rightfully theirs.

"Who are you and what, exactly, are you doing in my home?"

The man stared at him. Howard tried to maintain eye contact and look frightening, but it wasn't easy. His whole life he'd been so careful not to get into any fights, not to stand up to people. Life tended to be a lot easier if you just coasted through unnoticed.

"Listen mate…" The man began. Howard couldn't place the accent. In fact; everything about this man seemed odd - his hair was unlike any style Howard had seen, and his clothes looked tighter than was surely comfortable; and yet they did not look ill fitting. It was almost as if a tailor somewhere had designed it that way. He spoke more like a commoner and yet had the pale skin of a noble. "Listen, yeah, I dunno who you are but this is not your home."

"Of course it is." Howard swallowed, clutching his weapon tighter. "I've lived here all my life, as has my father before me and his father before him. And my sons shall live here after I'm gone."

"Oh shit…um, listen, maybe I should call someone?"

"Do you threaten me, sir? You have accomplices nearby?" He meant to sound intimidating, but his voice rose to a very un-manly squeak when he said 'nearby'.

The man frowned. "No…I mean like a hospital. On the phone?"

"Phone?"

"Yeah."

"And what exactly is a 'phone'?"

The man picked up his box and carefully threw it to him. Howard put down his sword on the nearby table and picked it up, frowning uncomprehendingly at the small screen. He looked up to demand an explanation from this man but he wasn't looking at him. His eyes were still fixed on the sword and he looked thoroughly confused.

* * *

Vince threw his mobile to the man, hoping desperately this was just some elaborate mugging and he'd just pick it up and run. Because dealing with a madman was not something he wanted to do. Especially a madman with a sword. Especially a madman with a sword to whom he'd just given his phone. The man put his sword down on a table and picked up the phone. Vince held his breath. If he didn't run now then this could be seriously dangerous…_he'd just put down the sword on a table_. The table which wasn't really there. Vince stared at it. Were this man and his weapon a hallucination too, then? But then how could he be holding his mobile phone? Vince's eyes flicked back to the man who was watching him.

"What's your name, sir?"

"What?"

"Your name?"

"I'm…" he took in the man's old fashioned attire. If he was crazy then perhaps he should just play along. "Vincent." he paused.

"Well Vincent." he walked towards him. Vince's eyes widened in fear as he realised the man had just walked over the large hole. Maybe he wasn't real after all. "Seeing as you haven't taken anything yet that I can notice, and you appear thin and hungry, I think I can forgive this intrusion. Leave now and I won't call anyone for assistance."

Vince let out a relieved sigh. This man was letting him go! He held out his hand for his phone, but the man instead grabbed his wrist and pulled him over to the door.

"No!"

The man looked back at him, confused. Vince stared at him, eyes wide, before looking down at the floor. There shouldn't be anything to hold him up where he was standing, he should have fallen straight through to the room below.

And yet the floor was there. It was solid.

It was _real._


	2. Chapter 2

"It's real."

Howard looked at him. "Are you quite alright?"

The man, Vincent, swayed alarmingly. "No. Really, really not."

Forgetting for a moment that this was a stranger he'd just found in his bedchamber Howard guided him quickly over to the bed so he could sit down. If the young man had been pale before it was nothing to how he looked now.

"Um…would you care for some water?"

He looked up. "Who are you?"

"Vincent I really think…"

"Call me Vince."

Howard blinked. "Vince, then. I really think you should have some water, and perhaps something to eat? You're not well."

Vince looked round. "You can say that again." he looked back at Howard. "You never answered. Who are you?"

"Howard Moon. I own this place, or at least I will when my father passes on."

"What year is it?"

Howard shook his head sadly. It was obvious this man was diseased in the mind. "The year of our Lord 1849."

Vince's eyes lit up. "1849? Really?"

"Yes, sir."

"Wow." he looked around. "So…two options." he said, seemingly to himself. "Either I've gone insane, and I don't _feel_ insane, or I've gone back in time."

"Back in time?"

"It's the year 2009. Or at least it should be." he laughed breathlessly. "Oh wow this is amazing!"

"You're a time traveller?" the notion was absurd, and yet…Howard found himself believing the young man sat next to him. There was something about him that definitely seemed out of place, almost otherworldly. He snorted. "Then why on earth did you come here?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

"But the future! What must it be like?! Why would you want to come back?"

"Oh but I love history!" his whole face lit up now. "Have done since I was a kid, you know? I know it's all a bit basic, no electricity or anything…"

"Electricity? What is electricity?"

Vince blinked at him. "I have no idea how to explain that. Um…it's power. Energy. It goes into every house and powers their lamps, television, computer, hair straighteners…" he stopped abruptly. "I really can't explain most of this stuff, I dunno how it works."

"Do your best. Please." Howard shuffled closer, wondering vaguely at how comfortable he felt being sat so close to this strange man on his bed, "It sounds so fascinating."

"Well…"

"But first I think we should dress you in something more appropriate." he looked him up and down. "If any of the ladies of the house were to see you dressed like that they'd probably faint." he stood up, opening a large oak wardrobe. "They'll be slightly too large, but it'll probably be a comfortable change for you. Those clothes must restrict your movement something terrible."

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Howard flicked idly through Vince's wallet, pulling out his money and credit cards and looking at them like they were the most exotic thing in the world. Vince had done his best to explain it all to him but he felt sure he'd given Howard the impression the future was full of magicians and metal horses or something.

"These portraits are astounding." he said. "You can't even see the brush work!" Vince turned.

"They're not portraits. They're photographs."

"But they're in colour."

"Photos are in 2009."

"Oh." he went back to looking through the few Vince had in his wallet. "She's pretty. Your wife?" Vince glanced at the picture Howard was indicating.

"My fiancé. Kylie." Vince paused. "What about you. Are you married?"

"No. I'm planning to propose to the woman of my dreams soon though. My Victoria."

Vince grinned. "Oh, wow! How long have you been together?"

Howard smiled dreamily. "Two weeks. Two, glorious weeks."

"Two _weeks_?"

Howard frowned. "Yes. So?"

"Nothing, just seems a bit…soon to be thinking about marriage. You can't fall in love with someone in a matter of weeks."

"And how long have you been with Kylie?"

"A year. Year and a half maybe."

Howard's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "A long time, perhaps, but then love is worth the wait."

Vince gave him a strange look. "You don't need to get married just because you're in love! I've been in love before."

"But surely if you love someone you want to be with them always?"

"Well, yeah I suppose so, but you don't need to marry 'em!" he shook his head. "Different times, mate. Things change, you know?" he glanced at him. "So before Victoria. You've never been in love before?"

"No."

"Oh."

There was a slightly awkward silence. Vince went back to attempting to make his outfit look half decent, without ruining it for Howard to wear in future.

"So who else have you been in love with?"

Vince looked round. "What?"

"These past loves. Do they have names?"

"Oh. Well…there was Sarah, Darren, Marie…"

"Darren?" Howard interrupted, "Isn't that a man's name?"

Vince tensed. "Yeah. What of it?"

"But…how can a man love another man? It isn't natural; man was designed to be with woman."

Vince paused. The words were the same that he'd heard from people over the years - his parents, various priests - but Howard's tone didn't seem judgemental. He genuinely seemed to not understand; as though the thought of two men being together had never even occurred to him. He shrugged.

"Love is love, doesn't matter about gender."

"But how can you feel that…?" Howard seemed confused. Vince thought.

"This Victoria. What is it that you love about her?"

"Oh, many things. The way she holds herself, her smile, her dictation, her proud good looks…"

"Alright, alright." Vince considered him. "So if she were a man, but still had all those qualities, wouldn't you still love her?"

"Well…I don't…I suppose I…"

He looked so uncomfortable that Vince began to feel sorry for him. "Don't worry about it, Howard; I'm not trying to say you should be gay or anything. You're not into blokes, that's fine."

"No, I…"

"'No?'" Vince locked on to his eyes and felt the atmosphere thicken. After several seconds Howard swallowed and tore his gaze away.

"I mean yes. Yes, my heart belongs to Victoria. A woman."

"Well…that's great. To know so quickly you're meant to be together…she must be really special."

"Oh, she is."

He glanced at the doorway looking very uncomfortable. Vince wondered if he'd felt the tension in the air as well.

"Are you alright?"

Howard looked back at him. "I'm perfectly alright. I was just thinking the storm appears to have eased. Perhaps you would like a tour of the grounds?"

"Could I?" Vince grinned. Howard smiled back, already looking more at ease.

"It would be my pleasure."

They left the room, only to walk straight in to a startlingly pretty young woman in the most beautiful white dress Vince had ever seen. She scowled at Howard.

"Howard there you are. Father was asking for you…" she glanced at Vince, then back to Howard. "And who is this?"

"Vincent…"

"Noir." Vince whispered.

"Vincent Noir. He's the son of a business associate of fathers."

"And you often entertain young men in your bedchamber?"

Howard flushed. "He needed to change his clothes, so I lent him some of mine." he glared. "May I remind you that when father passes I will be in control over who lives here. There are plenty of suitors I could pick for you. You would do well to watch your tongue."

She flushed. "My apologies _sir_." she said sarcastically. She glanced at Vince again. "Sirs." she bowed her head and walked quickly away.

"Who was that?" Vince asked.

"Hmm? Oh, that was my sister Verity." he looked back at the retreating woman. "A total pain, but you know how women are."

"Did you have to threaten to kick her out? Seems a bit harsh."

Howard looked at him, amusement evident in his face. "You talk very strangely you know."

"Oi! I don't!"

Howard chuckled. "If you insist. Come, let us hurry. I don't want to leave my father waiting for too long."

Together they headed down the grand staircase. Vince gaped around him in wonderment. It was exactly like he'd always pictured it, the servants hurrying through, the expensive pictures and decorations, the bright colours. "It's beautiful."

"What is?"

"_Everything_."

Howard shot him a confused look. "It's no better than other homes. Shabbier if anything, father lost some of his money in business dealings."

"Trust me; compared to my place this is amazing!"

Howard smiled at him and held open the great front door. "After you, sir."

Vince laughed and stepped outside, breathing in the startlingly clean air. Almost instantly a wave of nausea overtook him and he stumbled, falling to his knees. When it passed he looked up to find himself alone. He looked back round to see that the door was boarded up and locked with a thick chain, just like he remembered. He got up and ran back round to the side door and forced his way in, running back down the passage to the entrance hall. It was dark, dusty, and empty. Just like it had always been.

Maybe it _was_ all just a hallucination then. Vince felt bitterly disappointed. It would have been so exciting to have seen it all for real. He reached into his pocket to call Kylie and explain why he had missed dinner, only his pocket wasn't there. He looked down, only to realise he was still wearing the clothes Howard had given him. He ran upstairs quickly; bursting into what he now knew was Howard's bedroom. He looked around, even peering down into the room below just in case.

His own clothes, his wallet, and his mobile phone were gone.


	3. Chapter 3

"What the _fuck_ happened to you last night?!" Kylie demanded, glaring at him. "I called your fucking phone for ages and you'd turned it off! I was sitting in that restaurant like a twat for over an hour getting pitying looks off people!"

"Sorry, babe. Someone took my phone, they had a…a knife."

Her whole expression changed. "Oh my God! Are you alright?!"

"I'm fine. I was sort of traumatised so I just went home."

"Have you called the police?"

"No point. I don't remember what he looked like."

"Oh. Well, thank God you're ok!" she hurried him inside and closed the door. "I want to talk to you about the wedding."

"Ok."

Vince looked around the room as she spoke, seeing it for the first time how Howard would see it. Things that he'd always taken for granted - the TV, the electric lights, the photographs on the mantelpiece - suddenly seemed amazing, almost magical. How had someone even come up with the idea for the television? It was fantastic!

"Vince, did you hear a word of what I just said?"

He jumped, looking round at his fiancé guiltily. "Sorry, Kylie, babe. What was that?"

"I said my mum's found somewhere for the wedding. And she's booked a minister, and I've found the most gorgeous flower arrangements we can use."

"Right."

"Although this does mean you're going to have to pick a new suit, because we can't afford the one you picked."

Vince snapped fully out of his reverie, staring at her in horror. "What? How come? Surely the venue can't be that expensive?" the suit he'd chosen was perfect; hand-made, one of a kind. He had to have that suit.

"Well when I buy the dress I want there won't be enough money. The flowers and catering is more than I thought it would be. So could you go shopping for something tomorrow? It has to cost less than half what the other one did."

"But…"

"Don't you want to me to have the perfect dress?"

A vision of Verity Moon in her white dress sprang in to Vince's mind. "What if I said I could find you the perfect dress for next to nothing?"

"I wouldn't believe you. You'd probably buy it from a charity shop or something."

"No, I'm serious. Give me a few days to bring you a dress, if you don't like it then I'll buy the cheaper suit, ok?"

She shrugged. "Seems fair enough."

"Brilliant." Vince grinned.

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He didn't manage to get out to the castle for a couple of days. When he finally did, he looked up at it, excited. He knew he should be excited about getting the perfect dress for the woman he loved…but he kept thinking about Howard. Would it have been a couple of days for him, too? Or longer? He hurried round to the side door and pushed his way in.

"Howard?" there was no reply. The whole place was as empty and dusty as he remembered. "Howard!" he closed his eyes and remembered how everything had looked, but when he opened them again everything was still how it had been before. However he'd gotten into the past before, it didn't look like he'd be doing it again. He ran up to Howard's room, just in case, but it too was empty and destroyed. He sat down heavily, looking around him. The building seemed dead in a way it never had before he'd seen it filled with life.

…_Vince_…

He looked up, certain he'd heard someone say his name, but there was no-one there. He sighed and left the room. Wishful thinking.

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Howard sighed and sat down on the bed. When Vince had vanished as soon as he'd stepped outside Howard had wondered if perhaps he was losing his mind. If it weren't for the fact that Verity had seen him too then he might have believed Vince to be nothing more than a dream; perhaps induced by lack of sleep and a confused mind. This time he'd been fainter than before, practically transparent, and he hadn't seemed to be aware of anything around him. He'd completely ignored everyone and everything; sitting down at the edge of Howard's bedchamber and looking around with such a forlorn expression that Howard's heart had ached for the man. He'd looked up when Howard had spoken to him, but he looked right through him.

Howard wasn't sure how time travel worked; Vince hadn't really explained. Maybe he wasn't _meant_ to be able to see him? Perhaps everyone in the future could travel through time but could do so invisibly and so unseen? Or maybe it was just trial and error - perhaps it was possible to be partly in the past and partly in the future? If he ever saw him again he'd have to ask.

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in."

Verity appeared in the doorway, looking apprehensive.

"Howard I need to ask you something. About Victoria."

"Must you pry into my every movement? What is it?"

"What are your intentions?"

Howard frowned. "I hardly think that is your concern, sister, but if you must know I intend to propose at mother's dinner party tomorrow night. Why?"

She bit her lip. "You should know that the reverend Boon has expressed interest in her. If you are to propose you must make sure to do it sooner rather than later, lest he propose before you do."

Howard nodded. "I owe you my gratitude my dear Verity." she shuffled her skirt. "Was there something else?"

"Young master Noir…you said he was the son of one of fathers associates?"

"Yes…"

"Do you know if he is wed? He was quite dashing." she smiled, and Howard felt a peculiar anger brew in his chest. He fought it down.

"He is betrothed to a young lady named Kylie."

She frowned. "Kylie? What type of name is that?"

Howard shrugged. "I don't know. I assume it's foreign."

"Oh."

"Will there be something else?"

"No. I'm sorry to have intruded."

"Verity-"

She turned back. "Yes?"

"You know I would never really give you to someone you didn't want to be with, don't you? You're my little sister and I love you."

She blinked. "I know that, Howard."

"Good. I just wanted to make sure you knew."

She looked puzzled but did not press him further and left the room. Howard lay back against the pillows and sighed heavily, his mind still buzzing with confusion at the way his stomach had twisted pleasantly at the sight of Vince.

He'd never felt like that when gazing at Victoria.


End file.
